Why oh WHY do some women let Valentine’s Day drive them crazy? It’s seriously just like any other day—but that happens to be fluffed up and wrapped in pink and red tulle with the lure of roses, chocolates and sex. Hell, I can get that on July 4th if I wanted (think Wet Hot American Summer, a Vixely favorite, with a red bikini, chocolate ice cream, and, well, sex). What could be turning normal and non-relationship obsessed women into Valentine’s Day lunatics are the unavoidable hallmark greetings that are screaming at you while you wait in line to pick up your birth control. Or maybe it’s the fact that you are suddenly aware that you haven’t had sex in…awhile. Or is it the overwhelming expectations we create surrounding this holiest of lover days? I’m sure most of us have been in one of these buckets before, and it is a rocky mental road that we beg of you to not go down.
No matter what your relationship status is, Valentine’s Day is a holiday for Vixens and not sad single spinsters. It is a day to use to your advantage, whether you are pro or con cupid.
Status: In It for the Long Haul Couple
Ever heard of Mistress Day? It’s the day before Valentine’s Day, when all the men take our their other significant other out. Although we would never condone real affairs here, we do propose getting out of your typical V-Day rut and trying something new. The best people watching is on Mistress Day—all of the 50+ year olds are romancing and wooing their younger gal pals (and vice versa?) at various fine establishments all over this great nation. Do some heavy people watching, eating and drinking, and romance your boyfriend without the hassles of the actual holiday. Then you can spend the Valentine’s Day doing the thing you do best: drink at home, cook and enjoy each other’s company in your matching pajamas without the trouble of another over priced pre fixe dinner.
Status: Casual Couple
Your mission tonight is to get down to the V-Day theme song of “Let’s Get it On,” and don’t try to deny it. You aren’t the types to get dinner, so recognize that and imbibe. Heavily. And then to take it to the bedroom. If you can’t make it that far, public places are highly trafficked on this day, so don’t be scared if you find yourself in the company of others in the bathroom bar—you’ve been warned.
Status: New to Couple-Dom
You both feel a bit obligated to do something on Valentine’s Day, because, well, it’s your first. But all you really want to do is get back in bed, or on the couch, or in the shower? And knock some booties. So do both. Pick a location as close to your home as possible, drink the drinks, talk the talk, and abruptly end the evening because it just can’t wait any longer.
Status: Man Hunters Unite
Basically, be the female version of the single dude that you know is out on the town tonight. Out with his bros, just looking to get laid. And you should do the same. Two words: carpet bomb. The trick to picking someone up on V-Day is to have fun with your cohorts of single lady friends, with a hint of excitement and possibility of a no-pressure fling. But please check your intentions at the door if they involve finding a lasting relationship.
Status: V-Day is D-Day
Perhaps you are newly single or you have chosen to wage war with the hallmark holiday of choice. Either way, you can find a way not to be alone with Love Actually and a bowl of ice cream—plus, that is too cliché at this point. Be original. Throw a “V-Day is D-Day” party and drink 40s, whiskey, or martinis with your friends. Dress code: Black. Food: Indulgent. Entertainment: Karaoke or charades. Anything but a rom-com. If you have a large non-gender based group of single friends, go to the least romantic destination of the year, a Mexican restaurant, and slug back margaritas, tequila shots and guacamole.
Big fan of this article. I think you hit it on the spot